Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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