Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
