some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
