Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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