I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A bitchslap is in order.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
