Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just tell him i said nine months
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
