i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
