Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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