Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
high people should be assigned attendants
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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