she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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