i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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