i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
