I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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