Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
