He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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