It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
