if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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