The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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