I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
