HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
