dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
People in love make me want to vomit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i came on her dog
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
