Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
