Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
