Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
