Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
