So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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