the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
