i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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