I love black thongs
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
