so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
