I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
