; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
