Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
