I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
