Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Operation Purity has been aborted
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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