so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
