I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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