it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
