Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
