Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize