Quick, to the slutcave!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
