Having a random hookup so left but love u
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
