I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
