I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
