Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You smell like stripper and shame
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
