brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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