I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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