I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
