there's paper in my vomit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
