i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize