So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
