Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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