Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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