Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
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Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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