Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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