i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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