My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
