with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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