He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
