I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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