you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
