this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
