Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
