the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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