I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
